Just when you think it’s safe to go out
There is a knock at your heart, tap, tap
Trepidation calls, bearing flowers
Roses, red like the blood flowing still
Do you have any phobias or fears that you know hold you back in some way or stop you from trying something that you’d really like to do? Mine has always been a fear of heights; three rungs up a ladder and my knees seem to liquefy and my stomach feels as though its full of butterflies…on speed!
Can I be honest with you? I didn’t want to say anything before in case I put the mockers on it but I really wasn’t looking forward to going back to the UK last week. Don’t get me wrong, I love to see my friends and family but I find that these trips bring lots of little anxieties that, when added together, leave me feeling more than a little stressed out….
One foot in, then the other and hoist! Hard! You know that your mental health is not what it should be when you start wishing that you were a fictional TV lawyer and your comfort zone feels like a prison; well, I say ‘ENOUGH!’ Sorry to yell like that but I need to be shouting this from the rooftops because I am getting on my own last nerve at the moment. When you don’t like your own company, you know it’s time for a change…
Any of you who read my post from yesterday will have realised that I have teeny problem with thought separation inasmuch as I can’t stop the little buggers taking sides and beating the crap out of each other. One the one hand we have Captain Positive and his little band of perky cheerleaders and on the other Captain Doubt who is constantly throw a spanner in the works or, failing that, beating cheerleaders over the head with them.
Have you ever had a fight with yourself? I don’t mean taking yourself by the scruff of the neck and throwing yourself over the back of the sofa, more a fight within the confines of your own mind. I believe the technical term is ‘internal dialogue’, when the exchange is calm and productive, this is more of an ‘internal slanging match’. It’s as though your thoughts suddenly take against each other……
Do you ever have those days when you just don’t know what you want? When you are restless but don’t want to move? You crave company but don’t really want to talk to anybody? My husband used to refer to that feeling as not knowing whether you want a shit, shave or a haircut; a strange expression but one that always used to make me laugh.
Have you ever had one of those moments when a thought rocks up in your mind and does a ta-daah! with some jazz hands? A moment of clarity that lights up the inside of your head like a cerebral firework display? They don’t come along too often but when they do you just sit back and think ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! Huh!! Well that explains a lot’
Do you find that, everywhere you look these days, there is someone telling you ‘you should’? There are millions of ads, books, magazine articles and, yes, blogs which all tell us how we ‘should’ be living our lives. Your glass ‘should’ be half full, you ‘should’ believe in yourself, keeping moving forward, take risks, get out of your comfort zone, be responsible for your own happiness……..