Morning All :O) I don’t know about you but I’ve had quite an interesting week what with 2 assassination attempts and discovering that I have a doppelganger. Now this could be a slight exaggeration and you can put that down to my over-active imagination; I’ll let you decide.
On Wednesday I decided that I needed some new trainers so my best friend and I popped over to the Nike outlet store in Villeneuve. I found what I was looking for, bought them and my friend offered to put them in the boot of my car before we embarked on more shopping. I was just standing there, quietly minding my own business, when something hit me…it was a car! My first thought was ‘ow!!’ and my second was ‘check your vital signs’: Ok, favourite leather jacket not damaged – check, favourite white trainers not scuffed – check. It was at this point that my brain cottoned on to what had actually happened and sent a message to my legs to start trembling violently. I sat down.
The driver of the attack vehicle came rushing over to ask if I was OK and to ask if I spoke English. Ah ha!! What were the odds of being hit by an Englishwoman in a French car park?? This was obviously an assassination attempt! My legs wouldn’t hold me up long enough to confront my would be attacker so I mumbled that I was OK and asked her to go away…which she did. Hhhmmmm maybe not an assassination attempt after all…
Today, however, I was driving through Monaco on my way to Pilates when a car pulled out of one of the underground car parks straight in front of me! I slammed on my brakes, leaving several inches of rubber on the road in the process and politely indicated that I was less than amused
“What the fuck were you thinking?!!!”
The driver said ‘sorry’..not ‘pardon’ or ‘excusez-moi’ but ‘sorry’, he was English. Surely this cannot be a coincidence I thought.
Once again reduced to a trembling jelly I carried on driving and made it, without incident, to my Pilates class. I opened the door and was greeted, cheerily, by a woman I’d never met
“Oh it’s you, nice to see you, how are you?”
“Ummm fine thanks”
“It’s Sarah isn’t it?”
“Ummm, sorry, no, it’s Lisa”
“How odd! You look just like Sarah who owns the XXXX restaurant”
“Nope, not me, sorry”
Anyway, this went on for a bit, then we chatted for a while about life as a woman over 50, the menopause (don’t ask, I have no idea how we got onto the subject) and then she decided to give me a hug. I had no real objections, she seemed like a very nice woman but it got me to thinking of an incident that had happened a few days previously…..
I was at a networking event, again in Monaco, and was just leaving when this woman came up to me and said
“I know you don’t I?”
I couldn’t say no as I’ve got an absolutely rubbish memory for faces so it could well have been that I’d met her before..
“Yes, I think I know you from somewhere too” What? It seemed like a safe bet..
We went through the whole rigmarole of trying to remember where we’d met, she introduced her husband and we chatted for a while and then she said
“I don’t know why but I just must give you a hug”
“Fair enough” says I.
We hugged, said our goodbyes and that was that.
Putting all these events together, I’ve decided I obviously have a doppelganger that some secret British society is trying to assassinate; it’s the only logical explanation…isn’t it? What do you think?