Buttocks and Cheese

Apparently I have a defective buttock. I have been reliably informed, by my Pilates instructor, that it has gone to sleep to the point of being comatose which means that my right buttock cheek is having to carry the lazy little bastard. What this means, in practical terms, is that my right buttock is constantly poking my pain sensors in a desperate attempt to get my attention and tell me to give it a rest for a couple of days.

Being a stubborn sort I decided that I am not going to be dictated to by my own buttock so I’ve been ignoring it and just hoping that it will man up and realise that it can do the work of two. It can’t, apparently, and this morning I was forced to apologise to it and submit to a heavy duty sports massage.

I’ve telling my Pilates teacher for ages that she should carry a leather belt for clients to bite down on during this type of massage but she insists it’s just a matter of focusing on something else and breathing through the pain. To this end, during my last deep tissue massage she asked my to name my 3 favourite cheeses. I should explain at this point that she has a severe cheese addiction, made worse by living on the border between France and Italy. What those two nations can do with cheese makes gourmets everywhere weep with lust.

Anyway, I digress, I did as she asked and, ever since, I seem to have developed a Pavlovian response to pain. During a particularly painful buttock prodding moment this morning an image of Gouda with cumin seeds popped into my head completely unprompted. Oddly the pain receded and my buttock has, for the time being, entered a more relaxed state. As for the left one, I’m tempted to just poke it with a fork until it wakes up and starts earning its keep!

Bit of a strange morning really! How are things with you guys



  17 comments for “Buttocks and Cheese

  1. Franco-chuks blog
    September 3, 2018 at 9:26 am


    Liked by 2 people

  2. September 3, 2018 at 10:25 am

    Lol this was fun to read while having my coffee. So far my morning isn’t one that I’ll need to apologize to so I’ll give it a thumbs up.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. September 3, 2018 at 11:26 am

    You do make me laugh Lisa πŸ™‚

    Quite cheered my monday – thank you. x

    Liked by 4 people

  4. September 3, 2018 at 12:06 pm

    Lisa, I don’t know what to say, because I’m laughing so hard at buttocks and cheese. It is a perfect way to start my morningπŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

    Liked by 3 people

  5. September 3, 2018 at 7:38 pm

    I’m really pleased that your buttock has now entered a more relaxed state. Work on it a bit and you may achieve Nirvana! Stay away from the blue cheese or you may have double trouble!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Manessah B.
    September 3, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    This brought the biggest smile to my face.. and laugh! I’m so sorry though that your buttocks is going through that, but it’s good to see you found humor through the pain… as well as a newfound connection with cheese! πŸ˜„πŸ˜†

    I hope you have an awesome day, Lisa! ☺️

    Liked by 2 people

    • September 4, 2018 at 5:27 am

      My buttock thanks you for your sympathy πŸ˜‰
      You too Manessah 😊

      Liked by 2 people

      • Manessah B.
        September 4, 2018 at 5:42 am

        Lol! Your buttocks is very welcome! πŸ˜„
        Thank you, my friend! 😊✨

        Liked by 1 person

  7. September 4, 2018 at 5:57 am

    Love this one. Seriously. Not that I haven’t enjoyed all your other bits, far from it, but this one got me in the Gouda…

    Liked by 2 people

  8. September 6, 2018 at 11:25 pm

    a bit cheesy but overall a very funny post

    Liked by 1 person

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